the cliffhanger

As I begin this new blogging adventure, I happen to be on day 25 of my cycle.   In fact that is probably why I started this blog today.    These last couple days before the end of a cycle are the excruciating ones.   I couldn’t sleep last night for wondering what my temperature was going to be this morning, so I started a blog.    I do this to myself at the end of every single cycle.   I find myself  checking and rechecking the thermometer at 6:30 am, thinking maybe it’s just out of batteries when my temperature begins to fall;   Picking apart every single “symptom”  that I somehow don’t remember having the month before;   Googling every single twitch and tingle I feel between day 20 and 28.   Then, at the beginning of the next cycle, I swear I won’t do that again.   I say I’m going to ignore it this month, take a break like “they” say I should.  Watched water doesn’t boil, right?

But it’s irresistibly addictive,  like  watching a cliffhanger.   *Cue the thriller movie music!*   Will she or won’t she?  Did they or didn’t they?  Stay tuned for the dramatic conclusion of As The Girl Turns… Even the charts themselves start to look like an actual roller coaster after a while, don’t they?  And my temperature does this fun thing where it bounces up and down for a couple days toward the end,  just to get me extra insane.

This month has been a particularly dramatic wait because this past cycle, I  had my first IUI.   I want to think I know better than to expect big results right away… but of course I do.   The experience of being inseminated is not something you really want to have to keep repeating.   Also, it seems clinical and expensive enough that it should just work…  like a defibrillator for your hooha.     I also had a laparoscopy last month so my doctor could poke around, do some dusting,  and see what she was working with.  So between minor surgery,  an insemination, and a lot more money than it’s supposed to take to get knocked up,  I have been following my own story with unusually obsessive attention this month.  Even though I know that the higher up my hopes go, the harder the crash will be on Day 28.  I know better, and yet there I was lying awake at 4am:  feeling my neck to see if I was unusually warm,  feeling my breasts to see if they were unusually sore… just generally feeling myself up in the least sexy way imaginable.

So I decided maybe writing myself through this would make me feel better,  and at about 5 this morning I started this blog (probably as a way to keep my hands busy so I’d quit groping myself).  It’s nice to get it out,  and it’s nice to share with others who know what you’re experiencing down to the weird details.  It’s nice to have somebody to watch the cliffhanger with you… like watching a scary movie with a friend so you can hold hands and squeal together when the monster appears… and then laugh at each other for being so jumpy.  Thanks for laughing and squealing along with me, new readers.  I hope  you enjoy our feature presentation.

“Is that… my….. PERIOD?!!”

 

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Victoria
    Jul 07, 2011 @ 11:30:03

    All the best, M.G. I like the blog design, its simplicity and color.

    Reply

  2. m.g.
    Jul 07, 2011 @ 11:34:16

    Thanks, V! Now if I can only remember how to get my links to show….

    Reply

  3. Brenda
    Jul 08, 2011 @ 03:59:41

    Hi MG, I did my 2nd IUI last Tue:) Been trying to stay calm and positive but agreed it’s not easy. My my hubby loves to say his heartbeat and mood depends on my daily temperature.

    Just yesterday, I worried about when my implanatation dip would happen and this morning noticed that my temperature actually had a slight dip few days back (my hubby takes & record my temperature). Now, I am back worrying and wonder ‘was it really a implantation dip and was the dip sufficient’?

    Let’s not forget about our over sensitivity towords slight cramps, fatigue, appetite change and etc – I tends to over-read into all these symptoms. Btw, why I not having breast tenderness or backache??!!

    Take it easy; the worrying is endless. Once you confirm the pregnancy, more will follow – our stress level can affect the procedure and the baby.

    Cheers
    Brenda

    Reply

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