coin return

It looks like we are going to be taking a longer break from fertility treatments than I expected.  Money issues.  Even the IUI cycles are outside of our budget right now.  Hopefully we will be back on track by next month,  we just have some catching up to do since Husband was unemployed last year and we don’t have much saved.  I tried to wait til he fell asleep to cry about it, but he caught me.   Sometimes when I cry he feels guilty so then I end up having to comfort him,  and I just needed to be disappointed for a while without having to explain myself.

I hate it so much that conception is such an expense for us at all.   Makes me feel like one of those vending machines that you put your last dollar into and then the candybar gets stuck.  You really wanted that candybar.  You’re starving and you’re not going to be able to take a lunch break,  and now the damn candybar won’t fall.   Then you borrow a dollar from a friend so you can order one more.  Then you’d have two candybars!   But no,  they both get stuck.  You shake it and you kick it,  you swear and curse and you call it names and pound your fist on the glass.  It’s right there!

Yeah,  today I’m feeling like I’m that stupid rip-off vending machine.  It’s a negative and unproductive way to feel but that’s where my head is right now so forgive a moment of wallowing.  Also I didn’t sleep much last night for all the number crunching in my head, so I’m extra cranky.   I just wanna kick the glass and shake the machine today.   If only there was an 800 number somewhere on me that I could call to get my money back.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. JDragonfly
    Jul 29, 2011 @ 11:01:36

    I know just how you feel, M.G. And I loved your vending machine analogy – SO TRUE!!! My husband and I took a walk last night to talk about “next steps.” We just did our second IUI on Tuesday but I don’t think either of us feel very hopeful that it worked (it was an unmedicated cycle because of a stupid cyst). The conditions were perfect for our first IUI (which was medicated) and it didn’t work… Why would this one?

    Anyway, we’re both pretty down in the dumps and recognize that our resources will run out. Probably sooner rather than later. We’re trying to plan how to build our family without mortgaging its future… But, this is beyond planning and out of our control. It really sucks to have to pay tens of thousands of dollars for what everyone else seems to get for free…

    Good luck to you weathering the wait until you can begin treatments again. In the meantime, know that plenty of us can relate and are cheering for you guys!


  2. m.g.
    Jul 29, 2011 @ 11:04:24

    Thanks so much, JD ~
    and I’m cheering for you , too 😉


  3. JDragonfly
    Jul 29, 2011 @ 18:30:00

    Have you guys applied to any grant programs for treatment and services? I’m just starting to investigate them but am not sure if they’re worth the time and energy they take… Would love to hear your thoughts.


  4. m.g.
    Aug 01, 2011 @ 15:05:14

    I have thought about it, googled it, half-heartedly looked into it, gotten too confused by the application process and blown it off.
    I should probably revisit it with more enthusiam soon… I would love to hear others’ experience as well ~


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