chicken little

Things are probably going a lot better than I realize right now,  but this is the foggy part of the journey where I don’t recognize any of the road signs so I feel lost.   My next doctor’s appointment and ultrasound was meant to be next week, but I got it moved up to tomorrow afternoon because I keep panicking about cramps I’m occasionally having.  While I am managing to stay positive and settle into the idea that yes, this is really happening,  I still can’t be cool about cramps.  Not while they keep telling me my hormone levels are screwy.   I need to stay away from Google.  Googling the words “bad cramps” and “early pregnancy” together gets you nothing but nightmares.

So I keep hitting the panic button and paging the on-call nurse.  This is the only  time it is a good thing to hear somebody laugh at you like your question is silly.  Yes, I want this to be a silly thing I’m panicking about.  I want the nurse to laugh at me.  Please, nice lady, tell me I’m being stupid right now and I’d feel much better if I farted.

In the meantime I’m exhausted all the time, but still trying to carry on with things that need to be done, like going to work, and looking for more work.  I figure I should work as much as I can while I still can and right now i only have a very part time job.  So with all these new anxieties and very little energy,  I still have to show up for job interviews pretending to be perky and alert.   I haven’t gotten all the way sick yet, but I as of this week I am in a constant state of feeling like I might.  I basically feel like I have a really, really, really bad hangover all day long… but still the reality of the whole thing hasn’t really set in yet.

But just this morning when I woke up and rubbed my tummy,  I noticed something unfamiliar under my hand.   Down very low,  my belly is getting swollen.  The baggy shorts I wear around the house don’t quite want to snap anymore…

This is really happening, isn’t it?

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. melissa
    Aug 31, 2011 @ 05:01:57

    It really really is! So when do you go to the doctor? Hang in there. This is the really tough part but you’ll get through it!

    Reply

  2. m.g.
    Aug 31, 2011 @ 07:35:19

    I go to the doctor today at 4. Maybe i’ll even come back with a little picture 😉

    Reply

  3. A
    Aug 31, 2011 @ 07:59:33

    I really hope everything goes well today at your doctor’s appointment.

    Reply

  4. Melissa
    Aug 31, 2011 @ 19:39:38

    Ooh yes pictures! That would be so exciting!! 😀

    Reply

  5. Carole
    Sep 02, 2011 @ 20:58:15

    would love to see a picture

    Reply

  6. A
    Sep 04, 2011 @ 16:49:16

    I checked in to your blog to see if you had posted an update and see you haven’t. I hope that isn’t because you had bad news. Hope to hear a positive update soon.

    Reply

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