chicken little

Things are probably going a lot better than I realize right now,  but this is the foggy part of the journey where I don’t recognize any of the road signs so I feel lost.   My next doctor’s appointment and ultrasound was meant to be next week, but I got it moved up to tomorrow afternoon because I keep panicking about cramps I’m occasionally having.  While I am managing to stay positive and settle into the idea that yes, this is really happening,  I still can’t be cool about cramps.  Not while they keep telling me my hormone levels are screwy.   I need to stay away from Google.  Googling the words “bad cramps” and “early pregnancy” together gets you nothing but nightmares.

So I keep hitting the panic button and paging the on-call nurse.  This is the only  time it is a good thing to hear somebody laugh at you like your question is silly.  Yes, I want this to be a silly thing I’m panicking about.  I want the nurse to laugh at me.  Please, nice lady, tell me I’m being stupid right now and I’d feel much better if I farted.

In the meantime I’m exhausted all the time, but still trying to carry on with things that need to be done, like going to work, and looking for more work.  I figure I should work as much as I can while I still can and right now i only have a very part time job.  So with all these new anxieties and very little energy,  I still have to show up for job interviews pretending to be perky and alert.   I haven’t gotten all the way sick yet, but I as of this week I am in a constant state of feeling like I might.  I basically feel like I have a really, really, really bad hangover all day long… but still the reality of the whole thing hasn’t really set in yet.

But just this morning when I woke up and rubbed my tummy,  I noticed something unfamiliar under my hand.   Down very low,  my belly is getting swollen.  The baggy shorts I wear around the house don’t quite want to snap anymore…

This is really happening, isn’t it?


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. melissa
    Aug 31, 2011 @ 05:01:57

    It really really is! So when do you go to the doctor? Hang in there. This is the really tough part but you’ll get through it!


  2. m.g.
    Aug 31, 2011 @ 07:35:19

    I go to the doctor today at 4. Maybe i’ll even come back with a little picture 😉


  3. A
    Aug 31, 2011 @ 07:59:33

    I really hope everything goes well today at your doctor’s appointment.


  4. Melissa
    Aug 31, 2011 @ 19:39:38

    Ooh yes pictures! That would be so exciting!! 😀


  5. Carole
    Sep 02, 2011 @ 20:58:15

    would love to see a picture


  6. A
    Sep 04, 2011 @ 16:49:16

    I checked in to your blog to see if you had posted an update and see you haven’t. I hope that isn’t because you had bad news. Hope to hear a positive update soon.


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