welcome to the freakout zone

So, you’re trying to have  a baby… and trying… and trying …and trying…

It’s about the most frustrating, confusing, humiliating, lonely, and repeatedly heartbreaking thing in the world when your body defies this simplest of tasks;   but what advice do people have for you?  “Stay calm!”   “Be positive!”   “Just relaaaaax.”  And the best of all:   “STOP TRYING!  It won’t happen until you stop trying so hard!”   Then they give you a helpful anecdote about their friend who only had to take a nice vacation and she came back knocked up with twins.   She got the Bahamas and twins!  Why don’t you try that?

Don’t you just want to punch those people in the face?

But you don’t because they are your mothers, and best friends, and partners.    You know they mean well,  and so you smile and say “Yes, thank you, I will try relaxing.  I hadn’t thought of that one before.”   And then you go somewhere and have a private freakout.  You cry into your pillow or in the shower.  You beg your body to do what it’s designed to do,  you beg the heavens for a “miracle”,  all the while shaming yourself for being such a broken down crybaby while everybody thinks you need to be relaxed and patient and planning a vacation.   Worst of all you feel alone.   The people closest to you, even your beloved soulmate who is going through it with you, don’t seem to get how f*ing hard this is.    They look at you like you’re crazy often enough that you start to feel that way.    In the isolation you become depressed, but you keep it to yourself because you’re ashamed of the jealousy and anger that tag along with this particular  brand of depression.  You keep it to yourself because you don’t think you have the right to be depressed.  You have a blessed life, you are healthy and loved, and isn’t it selfish to be so hellbent on personally adding to the over-population of the planet?

Of all the cliches that people throw at you, there’s one you haven’t heard yet:   You are not alone.   There are lots of us, and guess what?   We are all freaking out.   And you know what else?  It’s okay.   The weird thing would be if you didn’t freak out.   Before you can relax and be positive and let go of the fear, you need to understand that your feelings are valid even if nobody in your immediate circle understands them.   They can’t.  It’s not their fault,  but more importantly it’s not yours either.

I plan to share my story here and hopefully just the ability to read along with someone else’s hopes and freakouts will alleviate some of the loneliness for all of us.

Cheers and welcome to my new blog!

(Click *HOME* at the top of the page to read on.)



12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Victoria
    Jul 07, 2011 @ 11:25:14

    Well said, M.G.


  2. Melissa
    Jul 07, 2011 @ 13:49:27

    Looking forward to following your blog!!! I hate that any of us are dealing with IF, but I have to say that i’m thankful i’m not alone in this. Thank you for having the courage to share your thoughts/story with us.


    • m.g.
      Jul 07, 2011 @ 14:35:28

      thank YOU, Melissa 🙂
      i was so grateful to discover an entire community of “people like us” out here in blogland…
      there are a couple new posts over on the HOME page if you haven’t made your way over there yet.


  3. Allison
    Jul 08, 2011 @ 08:50:31

    I just wiped away a tear reading this. Your words have touched me so much today. We aren’t alone, and it’s great that we have sites like this to remind us of that!


  4. Lily
    Jul 08, 2011 @ 12:16:50

    You did a great job articulating what this crazy roller coaster of If really is! I saw this advice for fertiles on an infertility forum and it made me chuckle! I hope you enjoy it too.

    I’m not one to hog all of the fertiles wonderful words of useless advice without giving any back. Oh fertiles. Your random, unscientific words of wisdom. They mean so much to me. And so now I offer similar advice back to you.

    Fertile Complaint: I never go out any more.
    My Advice: I guess going out wasn’t in God’s plan for you.

    Fertile Complaint: I feel fat. I can’t lose this baby weight.
    My Advice: Being skinny just wasn’t meant to be for you at this time in your life.

    Fertile Complaint: I am so tired after having this baby.
    My Advice: Just relax.

    Fertile Complaint: My breasts have deflated after having the baby.
    My Advice: Well, maybe you just aren’t using the right positions. Have you considered standing on your head. Or learning to walk on your hands. That should keep those girls upright.

    Fertile Complaint: I’m an anxious mom.
    My Advice: I heard that if you go away on vacation all your worries will simply lift away. You’ll come back and be a free-spirited mom without a care in the world. I know this lady who couldn’t stop worrying about her kids for 10 years. Then she took a vacation. And now she even lets her kids run around in traffic without a helmet.

    Fertile Complaint: I’m concerned that I may be pregnant again too soon.
    My Advice: Don’t adopt. Because everybody knows that adoption is a sure way to get pregnant.


  5. m.g.
    Jul 08, 2011 @ 13:07:03

    Hah! Brilliant~ thank you so much for sharing that!


  6. Patrice
    Jul 31, 2011 @ 16:50:00

    “You are not alone” – YES! That is the one comment I never heard during my years of infertility struggles – but how that one comment would have soothed my heart. Great start on the blog!


  7. Just Me, The Mrs
    Jul 17, 2012 @ 22:09:30

    I am so glad and thankful to have stumble upon your page on FB that lead me to your blog.


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